TheStoryOfTravisTwiggs
EditorsNote: What appears below is the Story of TravisTwiggs. It is not the FullStory, only StaffSergeantTwiggs knows the FullStory… This however, is the partial Story of a Man, a Father, a Son, a Brother, a Husband, a Marine, a 4toured Veteran, a thoughtful Commander, a friendly Teacher, a compassionate Protector, a fearless Fighter, an inspiring Leader…& a tragic Victim…A Victim of his own Experiences, & maybe a victim of the agency of VeteransAffairs, an agency that does not have a firm grip on exactly how to medically handle, care for & treat the ServiceMen & Women that return Home from “Theatre” grappling with the sometime insurmountable burdens living inside their own Memories, inside the Catacombs of a Psyche drenched in Violence & Chaos, returning Stateside from War suffering the torments of loss & trauma, returning Home cognitively caught hostage by a battalion of internal conflicts & competing moralities & emotions, competing self-interests & selfless interests, returning Home unable anymore to lean against the adrenaline, pace, camaraderie & brotherhood of TheWar, unable to cling to the emotional buoy of the “shared adversity” Military personnel experience in Theatre…But instead returning Home faced with the debilitating notion of standing alone on an Island of Introspection, and even more frightening to realize the notion They are unequipped with the tools to overcome TheDemons that are Hellbent on destroying Them from within…
Below is a HumanStory, but specifically it is a US Veterans’ Story, a Story told in 3Parts, from 3different points of View…1st from the point of view of my little Brother who served under the Command of SSgtTwiggs…The 2nd point of view is from TravisTwiggs himself – a jawdropping journal he wrote & published in the Marine Corps Gazette this past January – only 5months ago…Detailing, with desperate honesty, rational lucidity & stark self-awareness, his unrelenting Battle with PostTraumaticStressDisorder…& the 3rd point of view is from an AssociatedPress journalist from Tucson.Arizona, who happened to be the guy, hired by a news collection corporation, called out to the Desert, & charged with writing a 750Word clip describing the final scenes of MarineTwiggs last Battle with a Disorder that needs much more attention from each individual branch of the AmericanMilitary, from the Pentagon broadly, from Congress & WhiteHouse, from MilitaryFamilies, & the AmericanPopulation at large…StaffSergeantTwiggs Story needs to be read, heard, understood, & acknowledged, it should act as a catalyst that inspires a closer look by the Parties mentioned above…Historically, as a Country, as a Government, We have made conscious choices that have slowly pushed our US Veterans to the Fringes, 20% or 160,000 of this Country’s 800,000Homeless are former Soldiers of War…The VA, is an overwhelmed, underfunded, bureaucratic Blob of governmental stagnation & ineffectiveness, but I am beginning to drift from The Story of TravisTwiggs…A reminder: As of yesterday, May18th.2008, there have been 4,080 US ServiceMembers killed in Iraq…MarineTwiggs will not be included in that Number…
►Part1.SettingTheRecordStraight
A true tragedy...
From: MisterArteest’sBrother
Sent: Fri 5.16.08 6:16am
To: arteest@email.com; w.matkins@email.com; arteestdad@email.com
A great man has taken his life this week, a man I often looked to for advice as I have looked to each of you.
My point in sharing this story is to set the record straight...he was a great man and a better Marine. He was an "OAK", a man who truly stood for something and was a casualty of war, NOT a weak man who went crazy. Please don't be mistaken...he was a leader who commanded respect and lead from the front, he simply could not get over losing Marines in his charge. There are few men in life that one chooses to look up to as I look up to each of you, he was another on this very short list of great men. He taught me many things of life and compassion and strength and I fear his greatness is now in question. Please know that he was a hero...not a crazy gunman...or a crazy Marine...He was an injured war fighter that experienced some very violent things and wanted nothing more but to be a good leader, friend, husband, and father.
Cheers to Staff Sergeant Travis Twiggs, the HERO. He is lost but never forgotten. His teachings will stay with me forever.
Semper Fi
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►►Part2.TheCryForHelp
PTSD: The War Within
A Marine writes about his PTSD experience
By SSgt Travis N. Twiggs
All in all I made four trips over to the “sandbox.” It was upon returning from my second trip that I began to notice “changes” in myself. By changes I mean I was more irritable, paranoid for no reason, unable to sleep, and had trouble focusing when around other people. At the time my wife and I agreed that I would not deploy again for a while. Well, after about 1 month at home, I began yearning to go back. The Marines and sailors in my charge were asking me daily to go back with them. So late one night I approached my wife with my idea of returning to Iraq. She began to cry and said that I should go, bring the boys home safely, and get this out of my system. From that day forward, my symptoms went away. After all, I was going back to the fight, back to shared adversity, where the tempo is high and our adrenaline pulses through our veins like hot blood. It is in this place that there is no time for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
That third trip did not go as planned. I lost two Marines less than 2 months after arriving in theater. I cannot describe what a leader feels when he does not bring everyone home. To make matters even worse, I arrived at the welcome home site only to find that those two Marines’ families were waiting to greet me as well. I remember thinking, “Why are they here?” From then on my life began to spiral downward. Not only did I have orders to transfer to Quantico and would have to deal with the stress of moving my family, but I was also experiencing the loss of the two Marines, having to communicate with their families, and saying goodbye to my platoon while dealing with my PTSD, which was back with a vengeance.
I checked into my new command about 11/2 months later. My first day was painful. I couldn’t seem to function around others. The sergeant major sent me home and told me to be standing outside his door at 0700 the following morning. The next morning arrived and the sergeant major told me to come into his office and take a seat. He asked me if I knew what PTSD was. He then told me that I had it bad and asked me if I knew how he knew this? I replied, “No, I don’t,” and he responded that it was because he had it too — that he could see himself in me. That afternoon I checked myself into the medical clinic. While I was there I met a physician’s assistant named Laurie Giertz. She had a list hanging on her wall of 10 symptoms Marines experience upon returning from combat. She asked me to read them and tell her if I had any of them. To this day I don’t know why I answered her, but I told her that I had all of them. Before I left I was prescribed Zoloft for mood and Trazadone for sleep. The plan was to get me to calm down, have some good rest, and then begin therapy.
As the months progressed we altered the medications. At times the medications did not seem to do anything, or the side effects were intensifying. To be completely honest though, we may have had the right drug mixture, but she didn’t know that I was mixing the medications with alcohol every night. I returned to Iraq for my fourth tour shortly afterward, and I was only at the clinic for a couple of weeks. But those couple of weeks were the most peaceful I had experienced all year. All of my symptoms were gone, and I was sleeping well every night. Once again the common factors were shared adversity, with increased tempo, high adrenaline flow, and an environment in which any thoughts about PTSD would take my focus away from my mission.
When I arrived back in the States, it was as though I had never left. All of my symptoms were back, and now I was in the process of destroying my family. This was all taking place because I did not understand what was happening to me. My situation worsened, if you can believe that. I started neglecting my work, and my answer for everything was alcohol. All could see that I was in trouble, and everyone wanted to help. They became increasingly concerned and had no choice in what they would do next. I backed them into a corner and they reacted. I was transported to Bethesda Naval Hospital for detoxification and to try to stabilize my vitals. I remained there for about 3 days and then lied my way out the front door. Needless to say, my command was furious!
For about 10 days I managed to convince them that I was better, at least I thought I had. Well, I ended up back in Bethesda, and this time I was in a locked ward where I would remain for 2 weeks. At Bethesda I was not exactly a model patient. I was experiencing psychosis where I would fight my way through the hallways and clear rooms as if I were back in theater. The hospital police would have to be called in to secure me. This was not going over very well with my command members either.
Upon completion of my 2-week stay, I was asked if Iwould be interested in attending a PTSD program at the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). I agreed to the move and off I went. Remember the two medicines I told you about? At one point while I was at the VA, I was up to 12 different medications a day. I saw several doctors throughout all of this, and it seemed that each one had a different medicine. I often wondered if they ever talked with each other. During my stay at the VA, I managed to get into three automobile accidents, and I was experiencing visual and audible hallucinations that I firmly believe were a direct result of being overmedicated. On any given day I was sad, mad, or depressed. I often felt that I was weak and not worthy of calling myself a Marine anymore. I slept covered in sweat every night and constantly shook uncontrollably. I got to the point where I believed PTSD was nothing more than an acronym created for weak Marines.
The true horror of war is coming home without all of your Marines, because at some point you have to look at yourself in the mirror and wonder, “Did I give them my all?” “Did I train them to the best of my ability?” I could not answer yes to either question. I still can’t and wonder if I ever will. About 11/2 months into the program, somehow I went from 12 medications down to 4 overnight, and I don’t believe anyone knew. I desperately wanted off all of them, though. Within a couple of days, everything started becoming clearer to me. I successfully completed the VA’s 3-month PTSD program, and I stopped taking all medications with the exception of two.
When I returned to my command, I was offered an instructor’s position at the Martial Arts Center of Excellence. Their reasoning for this offer was to give me time to heal mentally, physically, and spiritually. They also thought that getting me out of the office environment and putting me around Marines again would help as well. They were right. The shared adversity of the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP) has helped me get my life back on track. Every day is a better day now. As my body and mind grow stronger through the synergies of MCMAP, so does my spirit. I see everything so much differently now. Looking back, I don’t believe anyone is to blame for my craziness, but I do think we can do better. We have got to make our Marines and sailors more aware of PTSD before they end up like me and others. The following is what I learned:
• Medicine alone will not calm PTSD symptoms. Therapy is a
must, and it has to be done with others who have experienced the
same war or conflict. In other words, veterans of Operation
IRAQI FREEDOM should not be undergoing therapy with
Vietnam or Operation DESERT STORM veterans. The
symptoms are the same, but the time periods are different.
• Alcohol and pills don’t mix. The Marine/sailor should never be
told that moderate alcohol consumption is acceptable.
• It is okay to mourn those you’ve lost, but remember, they don’t
want you to be sad. They want you to celebrate their lives.
• PTSD is not a weakness. It is a normal reaction to a very violent
situation.
• I firmly believe that a lot of my problems were caused by
overmedication. The medication affected my judgment and my
ability to cope with the true issues that haunted me. I also have
since suffered from a seizure, which is believed to have occurred
from the same cause. So, ensure that the Marines/sailors know
that it is okay to question the amount of medications they are
taking and why.
• Place more emphasis on the post-deployment health
questionnaire all Marines/sailors have to fill out before leaving
theater. I remember Marines being told that if they marked “yes”
to anything, it would cause problems with their taking leave.
They don’t know that PTSD is not even noticeable until they
come home. Marines/ sailors should fill out these questionnaires
honestly when they get back in garrison, and they need to know
that it is okay if they are experiencing difficulties readjusting.
• Leaders should sit down with their Marines/sailors prior to
releasing them for leave and cite different examples of PTSD
so that they know what to expect and how to recognize the
symptoms. When they return from leave, leaders should get them
enrolled in as many schools as they can. Regardless of whether
they can get them into the schools or not, leaders should set up a
well-planned schedule for them.
• Every leader knows that the best way to begin the day is with
physical training. It is a fact that physical fitness stimulates both
the mind and the body. This statement doesn’t mean you have to
run 3 miles every day. Leaders should incorporate running the
obstacle course with martial arts training or even just a simple drill
that enhances combat conditioning. Whether this training is done
for individual competition or as a team event, everyone will be able
to achieve shared adversity.
►One of our leadership principles is to know our Marines and look out for their welfare. They deserve this, and we owe it to them. With that being said, I leave you with this final thought from former Commandant, Gen James L. Jones:
“Ensure that no Marine who honorably wore the Eagle, Globe,
and Anchor is lost to the Marine Corps Family. “
►Author’s Note: This article is dedicated to the memory of CPL's Robert F. Eckfield, Jr. and Jared J. Kremm.
►SSgt Twiggs enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1993 and went through recruit training at Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island. He served as an 0311, infantry rifleman, and deployed to Afghanistan for Operation ENDURING FREEDOM in 2002 and three times in support of Operation IRAQI FREEDOM between 2003 and 2006.
The best thing that happened to me, and what has really helped me in my recovery, is my assignment to the Marine Corps Martial Arts Center of Excellence. I immediately started conducting physical training again and quickly got back into decent shape. As you know, a fit body contributes to a strong and fit spirit. I am back doing what I do best and what brings me the most enjoyment—training Marines and sailors.
One of the skills that I picked up in the hospital was how to cope with PTSD. Because of these skills, life with my family is wonderful again. Don’t get me wrong; the PTSD is not completely gone. There can be a helicopter passing by or a loud noise or even certain words and it will remind me of the past. It’s just that now I know how to deal with it.
I pray that no Marine or sailor, or any service member for that matter, ever has to go through what I went through. If you have any of these symptoms and you can’t get help, you can always contact me, regardless of your rank. That is what it is all about right? Each year on 10 November we pass the piece of cake from oldest to youngest, symbolizing the passing of knowledge. My e-mail is travis.twiggs@usmc.mil, and I will help anyone in need.
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►►►Part3.TheTragicEnd
Marine who died after police chase had PTSD
By Arthur H. Rotstein - The Associated Press
Friday May 16, 2008 10:59:57 EDT
TUCSON, Ariz. — A decorated Marine Corps staff sergeant who apparently fatally shot his brother before killing himself at the end of a long police chase had served multiple tours in Iraq and had written about coping with post-traumatic stress disorder. Pinal County Sheriff’s spokesman Mike Minter said no motive has been established for why Travis N. “T-Bo” Twiggs, 36, killed his 38-year-old brother Willard J. “Will” Twiggs and then himself on Wednesday. Nor is it known why both brothers earlier in the week may have tried to commit suicide by attempting to drive their car into the Grand Canyon.
Reached at home in Louisiana Thursday, the father of both men declined to talk to a reporter, and their stepmother did not return a phone call. Travis Twiggs’ wife, Kellee, told KNXV-TV in Phoenix that her husband was on various medications and couldn’t sleep at times. “He was a really good person, and a great Marine,” she said. Staff Sgt. Travis Twiggs, who enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1993, wrote a lengthy article in the January issue of the Marine Corps Gazette detailing his efforts to deal with PTSD.
Twiggs served three tours of combat duty in Iraq and one in Afghanistan and held the combat action ribbon. He wrote that he “began to notice ‘changes’ in myself” after returning from his second duty tour. Those changes included being “more irritable, paranoid for no reason, unable to sleep” and having trouble focusing when he was around other people, he said. His symptoms disappeared when he decided to return for a third tour, but recurred on coming back home again — which is when a sergeant major recognized that he was suffering from PTSD. Twiggs described subsequent treatment with medications and his efforts to circumvent them, including his use of alcohol.
The symptoms disappeared yet again when he returned to Iraq for his fourth tour, he wrote, but worsened when he came home again. “All of my symptoms were back, and now I was in the process of destroying my family,” he wrote. He described going through hospital detoxification, experiencing psychosis in a locked ward and a stay in a PTSD program at the Department of Veterans Affairs. “My only regrets are how I let my command down after they had put so much trust in me and how I let my family down by pushing them away,” he wrote. Twiggs urged others suffering from similar problems to seek assistance and offered to help “anyone in need” himself.
Most recently, Twiggs was assigned to the Marine Corps Warfighting Laboratory at Quantico, Va., but he wrote that what had helped in his recovery was assignment to the Marine Corps Martial Arts Center of Excellence. A spokesman at Quantico, 1st Lt. Brian Donnelly, said the corps is committed to providing full medical, psychological and social support to anyone with a combat-related injury, including PTSD, through organizations such as the Wounded Warrior Regiment and local deployment health clinics. “Our leaders are trained to be alert for signs of PTSD in their Marines and to provide a supportive climate in which Marines can feel comfortable seeking help.” Travis Twiggs had been absent without leave since May 5.
On Wednesday, Twiggs and his brother led law enforcement agents on a chase across more than 80 miles of Interstate 8 after speeding away from a Border Patrol checkpoint in southwestern Arizona. They triggered the chase by failing to pull into a secondary inspection area when their behavior aroused agents’ suspicions, Border Patrol spokesman Michael Bernacke said. After officers with the Tohono O’odham Police Department placed spike strips on the interstate, the car continued for about a mile. Law enforcement officers and Border Patrol agents heard two shots as they approached the disabled car, and after several moments moved into position and found both men slumped forward and dead.
The Twiggs had been sought since a carjacking Monday night within Grand Canyon National Park. They were in the carjacked vehicle when they died.
They are believed to have crashed their car at the canyon’s edge and then walked away from the scene hours before a Florida couple had their car stolen at gunpoint. They declined offers of help, walking off with large backpacks, witnesses told park rangers. Park spokeswoman Shannan Marcak said that based on the car’s position, investigators believe the men may have tried to drive off the road and into the canyon. The car was hung up on a tree that kept it from going over the edge, they said.
